Part 8 Emotions, Food, and the Modern World: Based on the book "Intuitive Eating Workbook"
One of the keys to becoming an Intuitive Eater is being willing to take the time to try to figure out your emotional triggers, so that eating is connected to hunger and satisfaction rather than your feelings. It’s important to pause—to take a time-out—to tune in to these feelings. Even if you eventually choose to eat when you’re not hungry or to continue to eat when you’re full, a five-minute time-out changes a distracted eating experience into one that is mindful. Remember, it’s important to come from a place of curiosity, not judgment. Be curious about your needs and feelings; don’t judge your behaviors. Have patience with this process. Any new behavior takes time to develop and set in. If you end up eating to a point of feeling uncomfortable, be gentle with yourself. Just as the emotions will diminish, so will the physical discomfort. Remember that your body will need food when your hunger returns. Honor your hunger and your body, and feed yourself in a way that is satisfying. As you continue to do these practices, your emotional muscles will grow; you will be able to stay with your feelings for longer periods of time, and, eventually, your need to turn to food when you’re not hungry will diminish and disappear. As you continue practicing taking a time-out, you’ll become more adept at being able to wait until you are hungry again to have something else to eat—or to stop eating when you’re satisfied and comfortably full. But don’t be surprised if sadness emerges when you choose not to eat at these times. It’s common to feel sad when you have to set a limit to any enjoyable experience. If you allow yourself to experience the sadness, it will pass in just a few moments—especially if you remember that you can eat whatever you wish when your hunger reemerges. If you spend time with this feeling of sadness and acknowledge it, it won’t hold power over you. One of the most powerful triggers to overeating is the feeling of being overwhelmed and anxious when life’s demands seem to multiply exponentially. There are the demands of work or school, emails to answer, phone calls to make, papers to file, as well as bills, household chores, and all of the commitments of your personal life. The best coping mechanism when this occurs is to commit to picking just one task to do in the moment, while letting go of the worry about everything else. Pick just one paper to file or one article to read or one phone call to return. When this one task is finished, you can pick the next. You might find it odd to see the word distraction in the context of learning to cope with your feelings without using food. You’ve seen that learning to nurture yourself is a prerequisite to being able to have the strength and fortitude to manage the difficult feelings you encounter in your life’s journey. You’ve also practiced the skills of sitting with your feelings as you develop your emotional muscles. So why should we ever consider distraction as an option? The answer is that we need to be practical and realistic. Sometimes we simply just need a respite from the pain. We need to find a nondestructive activity that can give us an alternative to difficult feelings and that might give us some satisfaction, joy, laughter, or a way to rest. Just as you need to have rest days from physical exercise so your sore muscles can heal, sometimes you may need to have a time-out from your emotions so that your emotional muscles can heal. There are many activities that can offer distraction when you need it, including going to a movie or watching one at home; putting on some music and dancing; working on a crossword or jigsaw puzzle, or Sudoku; reading an absorbing book; flipping through the pages in a magazine; and playing a game on the computer. The tendency to eat emotionally could provide you with a strange gift. Any time that you find that you’re craving food when you’re not hungry (or wanting to restrict eating when your body needs nourishment)—stop for a moment to appreciate that this urge is actually a voice from within. It’s letting you know that there is an emotion or a need that requires your attention. Contemplate what this might be and tap into that well of wisdom from within—you will find the appropriate fit for this emotion or need. The dictionary definition for respect includes words like honor, regard, admiration, reverence, esteem, politeness, courtesy, civility, deference, and dignity. Sadly, we rarely hear people describe their bodies in this manner. We live in a culture of body bashing and body shame, thanks to the proliferation of crash-diet programs, social media, and abusive television shows bullying people under the guise of health. It’s all too common for the chronic dieter to have disdain for his or her current body. But it is important to remember that this body is your home for the rest of your life; it can move you from place to place, can comfort a loved one with a hug, and can give pleasure. Often, it can birth a child and can carry and care for it. Respecting your body means treating it with dignity and kindness, as well as meeting its basic needs. Each of us is born with a genetic blueprint that determines our potential height, weight, and health, as well as a myriad of other details, from foot length to eye color. When you are attuned to your hunger and fullness signals and maintain regular movement and activity, you will be able to maintain and preserve the greater potential of your body. We know, however, that environmental factors can influence our ability to reach this potential or can actually destroy it. Starvation in early childhood can permanently affect bone and tooth growth; malnutrition can damage all organs and increase the risk of infection, communicable disease, and even death. Most cases of starvation and malnutrition are caused by poverty, war, and abuse, but their damaging results can also be brought on by one’s attempt to fool Mother Nature. The power of culture can also wreak havoc on logic. In our modern world, we live with a culturally thin ideal. Whether it comes from images in the media, the fashion and beauty industry, or family pressure, we see the relentless drive to lose weight, to change how the body looks, and to create an image that is impossible to attain or maintain. Combine these cultural issues with the purported health implications of obesity, and you get a perfect storm for body dissatisfaction. The first step in respecting your body is to accept that your body is destined to maintain its genetic blueprint. The few who give up on dieting fairly soon after they begin this futile behavior may be fortunate enough to have a resilient body that returns to its initial blueprint. The majority of dieters, however, attempt one diet after another throughout life, risking a slowed metabolism, an increased fat-to-muscle ratio, and a weight that doesn’t resemble that which was originally programmed for their body. Surrender to the body you were meant to have. Treat it with love, respect, self-care, healthful living, and joy. The freedom you will achieve as a result will allow you to place your focus on life goals that are truly achievable and maintainable. Even if you are not fully ready to accept your body’s genetic blueprint, and even if you don’t like your body, you can still cultivate habits that are kind and respectful toward it. For those who have shown little respect for their bodies for many years, the idea of showing gratitude for a body that they deem to be inferior may sound ludicrous. Yet, if gratitude can be approached with an open mind, most people can find something about their body that they appreciate: the ability to walk, the ability to engage in sports or leisure activities, the gift of receiving pleasure, whether from massage, sex, or even scratching an itch for a woman, the ability to carry and deliver a healthy baby, and the ability to pick up and play with a baby or toddler. The concept of self-care is a thread that runs through many of the Intuitive Eating principles. You can show respect by routinely caring for your body in simple and straightforward ways: regularly showering, washing your face and hair, brushing and flossing your teeth, moving your body through pleasurable physical activity, including some nutritious foods in your daily food intake, and getting enough restorative sleep. One of the most immediate ways to show respect to your body is to stop weighing yourself. Stepping on the scale has the power to ruin your day—or give you a temporary high, which is quickly deflated. The scale is a meaningless measure of what is truly important—eating foods that are satisfying, honoring your hunger, and consistently stopping when you’re comfortably full. The number that appears on the scale may bring you back to the worship of thinness and the delusion that you can actually permanently change your size, with all the fantasies of life that will magically arrive with a lowered weight. It completely disconnects you from the important and real and meaningful aspects of your life. Many people experience both exhilaration and dread when they contemplate and ultimately follow through with the task of throwing out the scale. This proactive act asserts your commitment to taking your focus off weight and putting it on attunement to the signals from your inner body wisdom. It may feel scary at first, but it will ultimately feel liberating. Another assertive action you can take is to decline to be weighed at your doctor’s office. Unfortunately, many people avoid doctor visits, even when sick, because of their anxiety about being weighed. They fear their doctor’s judgment, as well as their own. You have a right to speak up and refuse to get on the scale. There are very few circumstances in which your actual weight can make a difference in a health assessment. Those might include pregnancy, the calculation for certain medications, and congestive heart failure. In those instances, it is helpful to speak with your doctor about your feelings in order to elicit support. Under those circumstances, you can request not to be shown the number on the scale.
